It’s the stupidest fucking movie ever made. It had even less substance than The Bee Movie.

In a nutshell: Nine is a movie about a director who everybody loves and apparently everyone with tits wants to sleep with. The director is making a movie, but has no script, probably because he spends too much time being a drama queen and cheating on his wife. He’s exaggerating about everything, and all you want to do is kick him in his face and say, We’re all fucked up in the head, GET OVER IT. Actually, everyone is being over dramatic in Nine. Except Kate Hudson, who is on drugs, which makes her surprisingly good as an actress. How did he arrive at the point that everyone is making a movie without any idea for it is kind of a mystery. How about, if you don’t know what to make a movie about, don’t make a movie.

The dialogs are ridiculous. Simply stupid. The musical scenes are so unoriginal it hurts. Even the lyrics are stupid. The characters are transparent. Everybody’s slutty, and not in a good way. The plot is NON EXISTENT. The pace of the movie is exhausting and confusing. Everything that happens is predictable, and then you reach a point where you just don’t care. I also hate in movies when most lines are in English (or English with an Italian accent in this case) and then there are occasional Italian words that sneak in, like when somebody answers the phone and says ‘pronto’. It’s so fake.

Judy Dench is orgasmic, as always. Penelope would be great, if her part didn’t include being a slut so much. The Italian sceneries are gorgeous, but that’s hardly the makers’ merit. The cast is absolutely amazing, but in the end, it hurts even more when you realize the movie is such crap.

PS. Rotten Tomatoes gave it a rating of 29% freshness.